Having a Bad Day

You know you're having a bad day when the song "Waiting for the Worms" is comforting....

Tuesday Shout Out

T.P. - Hang in There !!




All My Temple Love
J.B.

Day 26 ~ I can fight the truth no longer.

67 days after the epiphany that changed the course of my life far far away from the Emerald Isles and 22 days after I said goodbye forever, letting go of the hope (that he insisted) I perpetuate until the moment that he decided he didn’t want that life any more and I’m finally hitting the point of no return. I knew the time would come when I’d finally remember everything that was so wrong and try to regain everything about myself that was right.

I’m not fully there yet but I’m going to take each of the remaining 104 days, 25 minutes remaining of this current health and life experiment to heal and to refine the person that I am. At the end of this time, I am going to cast aside the shell I’ve now built to protect my core. I will celebrate and will begin my new life standing on the deck of the San Francisco Belle watching fireworks, drinking champagne and silently toasting the arrival of 2008 and the start of my new life.

It is in this spirit that I purge the last remnants’ of grief from my soul (with the assistance of Mika):

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.

This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, no love, no glory,
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'And I'm wastin' everyday
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.

This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.

This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love [repeat]

I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Be weary of people who promise they can change….

Today, I will admit to being weary of trusting the words of any person promising they can change. My bitter thought (which has yet to be proven wrong) is; people cannot change what’s in their core.
They may sometimes recoat it to be more appealing, but the person they are deep on the inside doesn’t alter or change no matter what kind of metamorphosis they may think they’ve undergone.

Of course I reserve the right to change my mind later… ;)

My Master List

Things I want to do before I die:


1. Skydive
2. Fly a plane
3. Knit a scarf
4. Get SCUBA certified
5. Belly Dance
6. Write a book
7. Live and love with one other person
8. Collect 8 phone numbers in one night – just to say I did
9. See Yosemite, hike and camp there
10. See the Northern Lights
11. Sleep on a beach in Fiji
12. Write a song
13. Finish my masters degree
14. Speak Japanese
15. Go back to Paris with the man I love
16. Golf an 18 course
17. See Mt. Rushmore
18. Take a cruise
19. Go to Hawaii
20. Have a Garden
21. Own a house
22. Have a Child
23. Be a Royal Matron
24. Live in a small city
25. Design a website from scratch
26. buy an impractical yet beautiful perfume
27. develop all rolls of film I have
28. Create beautiful Photo albums
29. Own a convertible
30. Take two more years of sign language
31. Work in a job I love
32. Focus on quality not quantity in all aspects of my life
33. Get Bridal Consultant certificate
34. Wear a bikini with confidence
35. Walk a Marathon
36. Write a letter to an Editor that gets published
37. Be actively involved in a Political campaign
38. Teach a class for one day
39. Drive a car cross-country
40. Body paint
41. Get a professional portrait done
42. Orchestrate a city-wide scavenger hunt
43. Throw a party for more then 50 people
44. Speak Italian fluently
45. Read the 50 greatest books written
46. Watch the 50 greatest movies
47. Learn needlepoint
48. Paint a picture
49. Learn the mechanics of a toaster
50. Study all presidents and vice presidents of our country
51. Organize a charity event
52. See Japan
53. Get PM certified
54. Live internationally for at least 1 year
55. Visit Russia
56. Sail a boat
57. See all of the Smithsonian
58. Save a life
59. Read all religious texts – dead sea scrolls, Koran, etc…
60. Make a haunted house
61. Stay in a real haunted house
62. Learn to play a song on the piano (chords and all)
63. Play Guitar (specifically be able to play Pink Floyd)
64. Get married
65. Get Pilots license
66. Live by water
67. Learn how to ballroom dance
68. Attend Mardi Gras in New Orleans
69. Visit Netherland
70. Pray with a Tibetan Monk
71. Visit Graceland
72. watch a cricket match with someone who knows what’s going on
73. Travel on the Orient Express
74. Take a hot air balloon ride
75. Learn how to Horseback ride
76. Visit the Pyramids
77. Be first aid certified
78. Visit Machu Picchu
79. See India
80. Resolve issues with Father
81. Minimize material objects in life
82. Appear in a film as an extra
83. Meet Richard Bach
84. Learn a Martial Art
85. Watch the launch of a space shuttle
86. Brew my own beer or make my own port
87. Be a member of the audience on a TV show
88. Go to Walden Pond and read Thoreau while drifting in a canoe.
89. Spend New Years in an exotic location
90. Visit the Holy Land
91. Kiss the Blarney Stone
92. Visit Iceland
93. Visit the ruins of Pompeii
94. Experience weightlessness
95. Write a movie script.
96. Attend a film festival or award show
97. Learn origami.
98. Attend the Olympics
99. See Angkor Wat in Cambodia
100. Meet a musician who’s music has moved me
101. Visit/Walk on the Great wall of China
102. Visit the Acropolis
103. Go to the Oscars
104. Attend the Grammies
105. Watch whales migrate
106. Dive the Great Barrier Reef
107. Be serenaded by a Venetian gondolier
108. Walk down Abbey Road
109. Read a novel in a foreign language (Other then the Iliad and Odyssey I read in Greek in College)
110. Start a fun holiday that catches on (Ala Inappropriate Card Day)
111. Pay a visit to the Bristol Observatory and look through the Camera Obscura.
112. Surf
113. Make a movie (short or long)

Happy Inappropriate Card Day Everyone!!!

When you care enough to send someone a messed up card...

My very favorite blogger and programmer in the whole wide world Diesel started a special little holiday otherwise known as “Inappropriate Card Day.”

This being my Third year celebrating and given the fact that this holiday now ranks way above Arbor Day on my list of days to toast, I thought I would contribute to it's existence by telling everyone I know.

For those of you interested in the details of what this is specifically and why it exists, please go to the History of this event.

To get into the spirit of this auspicious holiday, I am showing below a sample of just a few of the cards I sent to family and friends today...

This was sent to Diesel:

This one sent to my sister:

My sister sent me in return a Lesbian Kitty porn video card which needless to say I will not be posting (I do not wish to offend) but if you are interested in cards of that nature, please feel free to visit the website where she generated the card from: http://www.gogaycards.com/.

There are still 8+ hours left of this fantastic holiday, so send your card to someone special today!

"Hang Me Out to Dry"

After the familial fallout associated with one of my previous posts, I had all but walked away from this blog. I felt violated in this, the one place, I thought I could really express my true thoughts on life. I was using this as an online journal of thoughts which were primarily reserved for people who cared about me. It never occurred to me that people who had zero interest in me as a person in real life would read my blogs. It just didn’t make sense and therefore I had no way to prepare myself for the eventuality that occurred; which was I wrote something that didn’t sit well with people who unfortunately felt the need to rain a storm of accusation and recrimination on my shoulders.
This outburst made me sick and I felt trapped by the loss of this once beloved place. In this absence and in my illness, I chose to shut down all writing and avoided contact with most people.

One month ago today, I was preparing to delete every post I had ever written and wash my hands of this whole experience. Prudence begged that I needed to not be so impetuous, I needed to stop, walk away, give myself time to figure out if I could allow enough time to pass where I would feel safe and confident to post again.

Today, I am still not sure. But since I went from being a fairly prolific writer to complete radio silence for the last month I used that time to make some tough decisions about what I would chose to write about if I had the chance.

So while I try to figure that out; I thought I would include the following hot video by a new band I’ve found a deep affinity for. Please enjoy: