Homesick...Maybe just a little

Here is a picture taken outside my old house in Arizona.

Let's Get This Party Started!

Welcome all! This being my inaugural post, I felt I should write something profound (or at the very least something my friends will not give me a hard time about.) So before I do that, a bit of housekeeping seems necessary.

To begin let me explain my blog’s title and address. One of my favorite quotes is “It can’t rain all the time” which appears in the movie “The Crow” (I know, I know how 1994 Goth of me.). I identify with this quote and am fond of saying it to my friends in times of great distress as a replacement for the usual platitudes. Someday I will have to tell you about the absolutely crazy experience I had in Portugal where a non-English speaking bell boy said that quote to me for no reason at all… but since that requires a pretty significant back-story and I lack patience I will need to write that one out later. The address to my blog doesn’t have any interesting story however I just happen to think that Faux Paws would be a really cute name for a pet and all the other names I could think of were already taken.

The topic I am most interested in writing about tonight is “Do you believe that life is comprised of little decisions that lead you to the place you were meant to be, or do you believe that there is one significant crossroad that occurs that polarizes your very life structure and forces you down a path almost unrecognizable?”

Until very recently, I was in the camp of belief of the former. That is to say, I believe in fate, but always believed it was the little things that comprised a life and as such it would be the small decisions that led you down the path you were meant to be on. Now, I am not so sure.

I have recently experienced some blatant signs (coming through as a crazy amount of coincidences, meetings and new beliefs) that make me wonder if fate or even in fact a omnipresent being needed me to be in a certain place at a specific time with a definite mind frame in order to realize that my life will never be the same again. I think my recent awareness can be summed up in the following quote, “Fate leads the willing, and drags along the reluctant.”

I was, up until about 6 months ago, very reluctant to try new things, to put myself out there with the possibility of failure. I had reconciled myself to a life of mediocrity and was absolutely fine with that. I guess at a certain point I thought my significance in this world would be from living a life where I have a husband I’m comfortable with, 2.2 kids, a good house and plenty of time in retirement to see the world.

I had decided at the ripe old age of 27 that I really couldn’t hope for more in my life. (Never mind the fact that I have none of the things mentioned above.) I can’t even really explain why I had been so beaten down to acceptance; it’s just that I was willing to trade excitement, adventure, passion and deep love for security. To this point I had a steady long term, long distance boyfriend who I wore like a really good pair of flannel pajamas.

We got on well and as such it was natural to assume that this passionless yet companionable relationship would lead to a happy marriage. But then God or fate or some other guiding force stepped in and kept placing me in situations where I found it impossible to defend the weakness of my original thoughts and so here I am. Questioning everything and becoming more and more of a believer that I was led to this point, this “crossroads” for a reason and as much as I’d like to go back to that safety, I simply cannot. I have some serious decisions to make and am gathering the strength to make them. I have ceased to hide in comfort and am placing myself into the world with the idea that there has to be more to life then this...

Thus ends my first post, I welcome any comments and look forward to sharing more of my ramblings.