Now for something completely different…..
I had an interesting conversation today with Barry regarding love. The following is the epiphany that followed:
How can you tell someone you love them and not want to marry them? To not want to marry them, you are telling them they cannot trust in your love.
I gave this a lot of thought after the conversation ended and realized that while that statement, for me, is absolutely true. In society, marriage has become almost the exception to the rule as more and more people are content to “play house” and never take the leap of faith necessary to legally bind them to another.
SO why is that? What happened? Why the sudden gun shy response to a time honored tradition? Could it be because people are just not falling in love any more? Could it be because people are just more cynical? Is it laziness?
I personally think it is because subconsciously most people who refuse to get married are simply waiting for something better to come along and don’t want to be obligated to Mr. or Miss. Right Now while still looking for Mr. or Miss Right. To put it in sports terms, it’s like playing catch while waiting for a “real game” to start. Sure the game of catch is fun, but you know it’s just the warm up before getting out there on the field.
By never actually going through the steps of sanctifying the union you are allowing yourself a guilt free escape clause when it doesn’t work out.
I cannot begin to mention the number of times I have had friends that were in a “committed” relationship with a man that simply “doesn’t believe in marriage” only for the relationship to end and for my girl friend to discover he is shortly thereafter engaged or married. From there comes that hard lesson: It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in marriage, it was he didn’t believe in marriage to her. For the record, this scenario also seems to be a popular one on the Lifetime channel (Diesel’s favorite ;)) and Sex and the City.
For this musing, I do find it necessary to state for the record that I am the first girl in the world to believe that you should always rent with the option to buy (i.e. I fully intend to live with a person before marrying them.) But know that I will not do so indefinitely, as living together will be a rest stop and not my final destination.
How can you tell someone you love them and not want to marry them? To not want to marry them, you are telling them they cannot trust in your love.
I gave this a lot of thought after the conversation ended and realized that while that statement, for me, is absolutely true. In society, marriage has become almost the exception to the rule as more and more people are content to “play house” and never take the leap of faith necessary to legally bind them to another.
SO why is that? What happened? Why the sudden gun shy response to a time honored tradition? Could it be because people are just not falling in love any more? Could it be because people are just more cynical? Is it laziness?
I personally think it is because subconsciously most people who refuse to get married are simply waiting for something better to come along and don’t want to be obligated to Mr. or Miss. Right Now while still looking for Mr. or Miss Right. To put it in sports terms, it’s like playing catch while waiting for a “real game” to start. Sure the game of catch is fun, but you know it’s just the warm up before getting out there on the field.
By never actually going through the steps of sanctifying the union you are allowing yourself a guilt free escape clause when it doesn’t work out.
I cannot begin to mention the number of times I have had friends that were in a “committed” relationship with a man that simply “doesn’t believe in marriage” only for the relationship to end and for my girl friend to discover he is shortly thereafter engaged or married. From there comes that hard lesson: It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in marriage, it was he didn’t believe in marriage to her. For the record, this scenario also seems to be a popular one on the Lifetime channel (Diesel’s favorite ;)) and Sex and the City.
For this musing, I do find it necessary to state for the record that I am the first girl in the world to believe that you should always rent with the option to buy (i.e. I fully intend to live with a person before marrying them.) But know that I will not do so indefinitely, as living together will be a rest stop and not my final destination.
posted by Jennifer at 9:44 PM
2 Comments:
You are aware that statistically couples who live together before getting married are more likely to get divorced?
My question to you would be: What is the difference between living with someone and being married to them? The answer, of course, is commitment, which is the most important part of the relationship. So you can "try it out" all you want, but living together is never going to be a good indication of what married life is going to be like, because you're missing the most important part of the equation.
I'd also point out that if you make it easy to "slide into" marriage, it becomes easier to "slide out" as well. First you're not married, but living together. Then you're married. Then, after a few years, you find that you're just living together. Then you're not doing that any more either.
The way to try out being married to someone is to get married and then see how you're doing after 40 years or so. :)
Also, you can love someone and not want to marry them. I love my mom, for example.
Unless you're talking about romantic love, which is a feeling that comes and goes. Not something you want to base a relationship on.
IMHO. :)
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