Now for something completely different…..

I had an interesting conversation today with Barry regarding love. The following is the epiphany that followed:
How can you tell someone you love them and not want to marry them? To not want to marry them, you are telling them they cannot trust in your love.

I gave this a lot of thought after the conversation ended and realized that while that statement, for me, is absolutely true. In society, marriage has become almost the exception to the rule as more and more people are content to “play house” and never take the leap of faith necessary to legally bind them to another.

SO why is that? What happened? Why the sudden gun shy response to a time honored tradition? Could it be because people are just not falling in love any more? Could it be because people are just more cynical? Is it laziness?
I personally think it is because subconsciously most people who refuse to get married are simply waiting for something better to come along and don’t want to be obligated to Mr. or Miss. Right Now while still looking for Mr. or Miss Right. To put it in sports terms, it’s like playing catch while waiting for a “real game” to start. Sure the game of catch is fun, but you know it’s just the warm up before getting out there on the field.

By never actually going through the steps of sanctifying the union you are allowing yourself a guilt free escape clause when it doesn’t work out.
I cannot begin to mention the number of times I have had friends that were in a “committed” relationship with a man that simply “doesn’t believe in marriage” only for the relationship to end and for my girl friend to discover he is shortly thereafter engaged or married. From there comes that hard lesson: It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in marriage, it was he didn’t believe in marriage to her. For the record, this scenario also seems to be a popular one on the Lifetime channel (Diesel’s favorite ;)) and Sex and the City.

For this musing, I do find it necessary to state for the record that I am the first girl in the world to believe that you should always rent with the option to buy (i.e. I fully intend to live with a person before marrying them.) But know that I will not do so indefinitely, as living together will be a rest stop and not my final destination.

Moment of Peace and Optimism

I am happy. It has taken me a while to get to that point, but I am happy and at peace.

Today, I woke up feeling not so well; yet another day in a long line of days that are consumed by illness. I had that moment of panic and fear that I wouldn’t feel well enough to be moving for the day and then a strange thing happened. The anxiety faded and I found myself smiling. I realized that I was happy.

I have found peace with my illness, peace with my past, peace with all those little things that can make a person crazy if they focus on it too much. I can actually start to mark the moments of my day past the pain and uncertainty. I am looking to my future. A future that I have faith is full of love and life and family and friends and all the things that make life worth living.
I have good role models surrounding me and a solid belief in whom and what I want. I am enjoying the taste of breathing and eating and laughing.

Thank you to all who have been a constant source of support for me. I couldn’t have done it without you.

WARNING: SPOILER AHEAD!!

So spent a lot of time in bed yesterday and was privileged enough to watch television without the benefit of my DVR…so lucky me got to see lots of commercials (here is the insert of dripping sarcasm.) Now those who know me happen to know that I love both movies and have a passion for true crime and more specifically, serial killers…no you freaks not that kind of passion…jeez….just meant a passion for the study of the minds of serials killers. So imagine my surprise when I saw this preview:

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Now I was extremely intrigued. A serial killer that has claimed 300 victims? Given my in-depth research on the subject of serial killers, I have never, ever come across this study. It sent a wave of excitement coursing through my veins. I had a vision of rededicating my master’s thesis to this profiling opportunity and to say that I was excited about seeing this movie would be a gross understatement. Now after about the 10th run of this preview, I found my curiosity got the best of me (overpowering my extreme will to not do anything) and I decided to do some research before going to the movie and this is what I discovered…

It is a fucking CROCODILE!!

You heard right a crocodile. Now I was filled with impotent rage and started trashing my hotel room up like I was a drunken member of a rock band being told there were no more groupies in the hallway. Screaming the whole time “You have got to be fucking kidding me!!!?!?!”

If you want to ignore the blatant abuse of a term that can only ever be applied to humans in some lame attempt of personification anthropomorphism or the fact that the producers of this piece of crap needlessly and cruelly marketed what is in essence a Crocodile Hunters wet dream (Steve may you rest in peace) and will subject the rest of the world to this Kujo wannabe, Jaw’s inspired, Anaconda loving drivel of a movie which in the end will produce a cliff hanger leaving us open for the only thing worse then this horrendous effort and that is a sequel.

Sorry folks, I really really had to get that off my chest and I do apologize for my more sensitive readers for dropping the F-Bomb twice, but I could think of no other way to fully explain how much this seared my faith in ever seeing a good movie again.

First ever – My Spot of Shame

Today I had such an awful icky experience that I decided to start a new section called “My Spot of Shame” Please consider it a homage to the gross icky come-on’s that make me want to slink under the primordial slime that the man making them leaves in their wake.

Anyway, I digress, this week shout out goes to the room service waiter named Julio.

To give you the full explanation of his yuckiness… I have traveled to Las Vegas for the annual mental mind F*&% that is otherwise known as CES. I know, I know extremely vivid description, but how else can you explain 150,000 thousand people (whose ratio is like 50:1 men to women all converging on this place at once, mix in loud tradeshow floors, loud casinos, lots of smoke and traffic which means it takes you an hour to travel ½ a mile in a car and you start to get just a small idea of how much your mind starts to shut down. Funny enough, I actually love the technology that gets shown off and really love my clients so it is easy to want to risk the congestion to come.

So I came in last night and because of my illness even that short 1 ½ trip kicked my butt. I didn’t get to bed until almost 1am and by then I was feeling pretty bad. When I woke up this morning, it became clear that if I was going to survive the week, I was going to need to loiter in my room most of the day. So around 10, I order room service for breakfast.

When the knock comes, I open the door to the waiter Julio (so sayeth his name tag)
The following is the dialogue that followed:
Julio: What’s your name?
Me: Jennifer
Julio: What a beautiful name for a beautiful women…
Me: Umm thanks
Julio: I’m sorry to disturb you, Jennifer, the beautiful girl, I need you to sign this receipt Jennifer.
Me: Ummm ok
Julio: So Jennifer are you in Vegas for Pleasure?
Me: No for business (as I start trying to usher him out the door)
Julio: No that’s no good, you must allow me to show you the pleasure (yes he said – THE pleasure)
Me: Ha Ha (uncomfortable half laugh), no thanks
Julio: Well then Jennifer, I know I look forward to lots more deliveries to your door
Me: Shuts the door in his face

Okay… most of my girlfriends will instinctively agree –ewwwwww. For any male readers or for those who simply don’t get it. Let me enlighten you as to why this guy now has a spot.
1. He used my name like 800 times (ok I know exaggeration, but in a single statement, you do not need to keep repeating the name of the person you are speaking to) when you do, it comes out like you are trying to memorize their details or something.

2. He entered my room with a compliment and a come-on

3. Women already feel vulnerable in a hotel room, without thinking the staff is full of sleazy gross guys just waiting to gain access into your room…. I mean why can’t they just wait til you leave the room like normal hotels?

End Result: No more room service for me, the rest of this trip. Even if I have to drag my starving carcass to the casino floor to find a sammich…I am not calling that number again.

Julio, you just got the honor of being awarded my first ever Spot of Shame…

Congratulations.