Jennifer’s Hierarchy of Needs:

I have not written in a while. But tonight I am inspired to post regarding a subject that has importance in my life currently.

When searching for love there are in my mind 5 levels of compatibility: Mental, Emotional, Physical, Spiritual and Sense of Humor. I believe that without those levels being met, you will never be happy with the one you are with. A very good friend of mine pointed out that I look at these levels as follows:

As illustrated by my image above. Each compatibility level is a single component (a piece of a puzzle) that makes a whole picture.

He explained that the problem with looking at relationships in this way is that it places equal importance on each level. He astutely pointed out; in a love relationship there needs to be more importance placed on the physical than the other levels. The reason for this is you may be extremely close to a friend but without a physical relationship that is all that it is: a friend. With a lover if there is no sexual attraction/compatibility there is no basis for the relationship.
Please don’t misunderstand me, I truly believe that there is an increase depth of the other levels that make a relationship fulfilling but without the basis, you cannot honestly move to a deeper connection. This physical connection does not just represent sex. For me it encompasses the full range of physical touch as well as desire.

For example, you may have a friend that has a completely different spiritual belief structure than you which in no way impacts the friendship you have, however when trying to find a mate for life, those difference can easily become deal breakers. It is with this idea in mind that my dear friend advised that he looked at the compatibility more like Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need. The idea being that you have to have a strong solid base (in this instance it would be a physical connection) before you can move up the ladder to a successful relationship. So given the levels I believe in, my hierarchy would look something like this:

(Note - This is my hierarchy of needs, for others the mental may have more importance than the emotional.)

I believe that by approaching my future relationships in this way, I will save myself and the people I chose to be with a lot of pain and sorrow by dealing with the deal breakers up front. Rather than trying to approach the relationship from a top down approach which will only lead to frustration and heartache.