Everything Looks Perfect From Far Away!

So I am leaving today to head to Arizona for Christmas. I haven’t actually been home since July and so many things have changed in my life that I am unsure how it will feel to be back in my own stomping grounds. I am both eagerly anticipating and dreading this next week as I come face to face with the knowledge that for the first time in my life I don’t consider Arizona home any longer.

I have held onto my identity as a Tucsonan for the last two years and realized this week that the title just doesn’t fit any longer. I think it first struck me when I noticed that I was not looking forward to this trip the way I had in the past. This may be for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is I am entering into this Christmas single for the first time in 12 years (having a boyfriend from Tucson, helped keep me grounded in the idea that was my home). It could also be because I have no close friends left there any longer or the fact that I love living here. Or it could be because the idea of spending a stressful time with family members that I have limited to no contact with during the year is not my idea of fun or the fact that I’m dreaming of a White Christmas for the first time in my life (and the desert just doesn’t give me what I crave any longer).

For whichever reason, I’m fighting this year’s trip tooth and nail. I dragged my heels shopping, I grumbled every time I heard Christmas music, I delayed packing (and in fact still haven’t finished), I haven’t wrapped any present. This has been an ordeal made worse by my inability to just get it done.

I realize that once I get there I’ll slip back into the dutiful daughter, granddaughter, cousin, niece role that I play so well…but just for this moment I wish I could just let it all go and do what I want to do for the holidays.

Merry Christmas to All and to all a Good Weekend!